Fun Stuff

Mass Bar Association Lawyers Journal

>The following are 22 questions actually asked of witnesses by attorneys during trials and, in certain cases, the responses given by insightful witnesses:

>1. Now doctor, isn’t it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn’t know about it until the next morning?

>2. The youngest son, the twenty year old, how old is he?

>3. Were you present when your picture was taken?

>4. Were you alone or by yourself?

>5. Was it you or your younger brother who was killed in the war?

>6. Did he kill you?

>7. How far apart were the vehicles at the time of the collision?

>8. You were there until the time you left, is that true?

>9. How many times have you committed suicide?

>10. Q: So the date of conception ( of the baby ) was Aug 8th?
A: Yes
Q: And what were you doing at that time?

>11. Q: She had three children, right?
      A: Yes
      Q: How many were boys?
      A: None
      Q: Were there any girls?

>12. Q: You say the stairs went down to the basement?
A: Yes
Q: And these stairs, did they go up also?

>13. Q: Mr. Slatery, you went on a rather elaborate honeymoon, didn’t you?
A: I went to Europe, sir
Q: And you took your new wife?

>14. Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?

>15. Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard
Q: Was this a male, or a female?

>16. Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work

> 17. Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people

>18. Q: All your responses must be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral

>19. Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
      A: The autopsy started around 8:30 pm
      Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
      A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy

>20. Q: You were not shot in the fracas?
A: No, I was shot midway between the fracas and the naval

>21. Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
A: I have been since early childhood

>22. Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
      A: No
      Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
      A: No
      Q: Did you check for breathing?
      A: No
      Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the
          autopsy?
      A: No
      Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
      A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar
      Q: But couldn’t the patient have still been alive nevertheless?
      A: It is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.............somewhere

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